As I said before, nothing threatened my sanity quite like the battle to get my dad to shower. Over the years, my brother and I (and eventually a hired caregiver) tried everything to get him to shower. Once, I explored what would happen if I avoided saying anything and hoped he would reach a point where he would decide to shower on his own. That never happened and I caved first at the 3+ week point! I made calendars. I tried to make the nicest, coziest environment possible. I searched for ideas online, consulted with other caregivers and medical professionals. I would play 20 questions to figure out why he didn’t want to shower, but he always answered with “I just don’t feel like it. Or I will do it later.”
After years, we developed a system that worked (most of the time).
Here is what helped the most:
Warmth
A space heater in the bathroom ahead of time. This also served as a timer – he knew he had a few minutes for the bathroom to heat up before shower time.
Putting his bathrobe in there too so it would be warm after the shower.
Toilet seat cover – Soft and warm, he would sit down on it after his shower and put on his robe and brush his hair.
Handheld shower head – he could get the water nice and warm before washing, also made it easier for reaching.
Some people like towel warmers, but my dad thought those were too expensive and fancy.
Safety/Comfort
Shower chair – as his balance declined, showering became more stressful and risky, sitting down added safety and made it more comfortable for him.
Safety bars – helped him get in and out more safely. It was also easier for him to self adjust on his shower chair.
We removed the glass panel shower doors and replaced them with a shower curtain, then he had more space and his shower chair fit better.
We used non slip mats and warmer, soft ones so that he didn’t have to stand barefoot on cold tile. Non slip mats are important to reduce tripping hazards. (Get rid of throw rugs and easy to trip on mats.)
Schedule/Activities
He picked which days of the week were shower days and we put it on the calendar.
He needed reminders and encouragement but it was a balance. If I gave too many, he would become overwhelmed and shut down. Then, there was no chance of a shower.
Typically, having a goal helped. For example, Tuesday is a shower day, because Wednesday we are going out to dinner.
Some days/weeks, even with this whole process, no amount of bartering, arguing, badgering, pleading would work. I had to back off and respect his autonomy and wishes.
Do the best you can and know when you need to walk away. It is most important to protect your loved one and their well being. Sometimes being unclean is healthier for everyone.